A letter to heaven Part 1

Dear Mom,
How are you? Been a year not hearing anything about you.
Heaven is a beautiful place I suppose, because you don't even feel to leave it.
But a life in here, not as good as the life you have there.
Well, we're fine. the family is good. we took care each other, and it went well.
Still, things just don't feel the same without you by our side.

You know mom, you're a funny mom. you know how to treat us and sometimes make us make fun of you.
and when I feel sick, I really want to hug you real bad.
when I feel hurt, I want to come home just to see your smile.
though back then we're not in heaven, but your smile really feels like an angel :)

You said you want to live until your youngest daughter gives you a grand daughter.
but man propose, God dispose.
But you will live in our heart for ever mom. because you're a great mom and will always be.
I Love You Mom. I hope the angel deliver this letter to you.

trying to always smile and be your sweet little angel,

-lune-

aku cuma mau bilang...

suatu hari hati bercakap-cakap dengan otak.

hati: "ah. aku suka dia. aku cuma mau sama dia"
otak : "mana bisa. memangnya kamu tidak lihat perbedaan kalian yang besaaaar sekali?"
hati : "memangnya kenapa kalau berbeda? bukankah perbedaan itu indah?"
otak membatin. "ahh aku lupa, kamu cuma bisa merasa"

1 bulan kemudian, hati menangis-nangis.

otak : "hey. kenapa menangis? aku kan jadi tidak bisa berpikir"
hati : "sepertinya aku bertepuk sebelah tangan. perbedaan cuma alasan dari satu sisi."
otak : "I told you so"
hati : "tapi aku suka sama dia. aku cuma mau sama dia"

2 bulan kemudian, hati bersiul-siul.

otak : "lohh..sekarang kamu sepertinya senang sekali? sudah ada gebetan baru?"
hati : "ahh..tidak, masih dia kok. dia baik deh sama aku. tuh kan untung aku sabar. karena aku suka dia dan cuma mau sama dia"
otak : "fine by me. selama tidak mengganggu produktivitas dan aktivitas"

3 bulan kemudian, hati merenung menyendiri.

otak : "ada apa sih. kok kayaknya kamu lagi banyak pikiran. padahal kan itu tugasku?"
hati : "hmm aku hanya lagi berusaha merasakan lagi. apakah yang aku lakukan sudah benar yah?"
otak : "menurutku sih itu hal yang sia-sia yah. toh pada akhirnya, kalian memang berbeda"
hati : "tapi aku masih suka sama dia. cuma dia"

4 bulan kemudian, hati terlihat syok dan memojok.

otak : "lohh..kok kamu terlihat horor sekali. padahal tadi aku lihat kamu gembira ria. bukannya seneng abis ketemu dia?"
hati : "seneng sih. tapi aku sepertinya aku benar-benar tidak bisa sama dia deh. tapi aku masih mau sama dia. rasanya kalau sama dia, menyenangkan dan susah digambarkan"
otak : "ya ampun. tapi mood kamu bikin saya jadi tidak bisa berpikir jernih tahu."
hati : "cuma mau sama dia, titik."

5 bulan kemudian, akhir cerita ini.

hati : "kayaknya belakangan ini aku egois banget yah?"
otak : "maksudnya?"
hati : "yahh.. memaksakan kehendak. menyuruh kamu untuk kompromi. cuma berpikir bahwa aku menderita kalau ga ada dia. padahal kamu juga menderita karena ulahku"
otak : "bisa dibilang begitu, tapi kita kan partner. selama masih wajar aku ngikut aja"
hati : "aku rasa, aku akan mundur saja. mundur teratur"
otak : "mundur teratur dari dia? yang kamu suka dan kamu maunya cuma sama dia? kenapa?"
hati : "karena kita partner. dan kita kerja sama, bukannya hanya nurutin kemauan sendiri. dan aku rasa, ini udah jalannya."
otak : "oke. pelan-pelan aja yah..meski berat, aku tau kamu bisa. kamu masih punya aku"
(dan hatipun tersenyum)

goodbye duke :)

-lune-
rumah, 17 Agustus 2009 (Happy Independence Day Indonesia #indonesiaunite)

I'm not crazy, I'm just crazy of Duke.

Dear Duke,

It isn't easy to tell you. How I feel right now. but I try to write it down in this letter, that will never you receive anyway, yet will release my heart from pain.
I'm bad when I said 'pain' it's like u're some kind of disease to me. no you're not.
It's just, I'm on my monthly syndrome -woman- so what I feel kinda like rollercoaster.
Now I'm on my higher feeling of you than some days ago. Oh, how I like you.
You know Duke,
it's okay when you cannot be a man. be a real man.
it's okay when you cannot play football, or do some sports.
it's okay when you sometimes act like a cute little boy.
You're still my Duke. see, that name even makes you more masculine in every way.
I will never see your minus, because you're always be my plus.
I will not push you to do some sports or act like a real man. because you're my man.
and if you like to be or like to act like a cute little boy, you could always be my little boy.
It's already late at night, get some rest Duke. sleep tight dear :)

bisous,
-lune-

oh dear oh dear (it's just an introduction)

I met you, some night on Monday in my dream. we were doing nothing, but we were having fun.
I really like that moment, even when it's only in my dream. you have no name, but I'm going to call you Duke.
I just like the name, Duke. sounds nice and elegant. Okay Duke, from this day, you will receive a lot of sweet words from me :)

bisous,
-lune-

I want to be a boy!

bla bla bla..blah blah blah

and no, I'm not having those trans gender issue whatsoever.
just my stupid simple thought, man of my last nite dream.
now, I feel more stupid -to fall in love with someone unreal-

I thought, I couldn't sense things anymore.
I thought, I couldn't feel anything anymore.
I thought, I just couldn't.

but, voila, I dreamed of you last nite.
we were doing nothing. really.
but I like our not-do-anything things.
and I think, I could feel something now.

though, it's you.
someone who is impossible to see, impossible to touch, impossible to be possessed.
and I start to think to be more not realistic.
I want to be a boy.
because I just want to be your type.

and would you consider me, if I were a boy?

cheers,

-lune-

deadlocked

that's my brain I'm talking about. yes, I have a brain deadlocked.
my life is in verrrryyyy comfort zone and I don't feel like I want to make any movement.
but I should, I must, I have to. so this is the start, by writing something.
at least my brain could think of something, think of what words should I write down here.
I want to tell about my life, about my dream last nite but it's kinda private and I don't want to make it public -LOL-
so here I am again. I should study for a test. I should learn about history and news that happend recently in the whole world, but I'm lazy. I just do harvest in farmville or play with my miu-miu in pet society. stupid me.
I want to move on, from everything that seems very comfort. that makes me really lazy, even to think of something. think! learn! write!
that's all. because I couldn't think of else anymore. blahblahblahblah.

cheers,

-lune-